SHYNESS

Shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. Severely shy people may have physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart or upset stomach; negative feelings about themselves; worries about how others view them; and a tendency to withdraw from social interactions. 

Most people feel shy at least occasionally. Some people’s shyness is so intense, however, that it can keep them from interacting with others even when they want or need to— leading to problems in relationships and at work.

Research shows that causes of avoidance, inhibition, distress can include:

Temperament or Biological Influences

• Withdrawn, avoidant, excessively emotionally reactive
• Highly sensitive, when lacking adequate social support
• Poor emotional "fit" with family members or some environments

Stressful Life Events

• Shaming experiences
• Major moves from one school or city to another
• Abrupt changes or disruptions in family life

Negative Family Interactions

• Frequent parental criticism and shaming to enforce behavioral compliance, high parental control with little expressed warmth
• Chaotic family interactions or neglect

Stressful Work or School Environments

• Highly competitive, critical, or hostile environments
• Public embarrassment for poor performance
• Dominance behaviors rewarded, and bullying or teasing ignored or encouraged

How loved ones, friends and mentors can help

Maintain Appropriate Expectations

• Maintain appropriate expectations while communicating empathy for the shy person's painful emotions.
• Encourage them to tell you about their daily experiences and how they feel about them.
• Acknowledge the conflict between needs to belong and fears of rejection.
• Role play challenging situations with the shy person.
• Help the shy individual set specific, manageable behavioral goals, and agreed upon reasonable means to attain them.
• Help challenge the frequent negative thoughts about the self and others, and help them develop constructive alternatives.
• Avoid negative labels and intense pressures for social performance.
• Remember that shyness and social anxiety are common and universal experiences at all ages for most people.

Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology