Forgetting

It all started one afternoon on his way home; founding himself standing in the middle of the street not knowing how he got there, his wallet and personal documents scattered all over the pavement.

His heart was racing inside his chest and his mind was just trying to recollect the last memories of that day to see if something could make sense in the midst of all the confusion surrounding him.

‘Uncle Genaro?’ his niece called from the entrance of the house, the same look of confusion mixed with curiosity was clear on her young face, ‘um, are you okey? Did someone assault you? Should I call aunt Teresa?’

‘No sweetheart, go inside the house’, he placed his hands behind his back, shoulders straight and spread legs with a gentle smile on his lips; she knew his “everything- is- under- control” look every time something was seriously wrong and he didn’t know how to explain it, ‘it was just a small incident of my clumsy hands while I was looking for….’

Long pause, an odd gesture from his mouth suggesting that his facials muscles and lips wouldn’t allow him to finish the last sentence made her aware that something was off.

My uncle was 55 years old back then and that’s when our family started to lose him, that’s when he began to fade away.

According to www.alzfdn.org, Alzheimer's is a progressive, degenerative disorder that attacks the brain's nerve cells, or neurons, resulting in loss of memory, thinking and language skills, and behavioral changes. In other words this illness can be considered as a ‘soul killer’.

We are the sum of our memories and experiences, from our first childhood memory to the images in our minds of our first day of school, graduation, wedding, you get the picture.

Sadly, for my uncle those memories are gone and he is now a person that none of us can’t recognize and vice versa.

After 40 years of being married, his wife has turned into ‘the lady that takes care of me’; myself? I’m just the black lady that sleeps in the back room every time I stay with them.

The issue with this disease is not only the fact that it takes away our identity and brakes the hearts of everyone you’ve ever loved but it occurs at an age when we’re supposed to be present for our families, when our grandkids would love to play with us and when our own children need the advice and wisdom that came with the gray hair.

I have learned that the best way to deal with the elders who are suffering such illness it is to treat them as you have so far, with love, kindness and a supernatural amount of patience.

Even though it is a progressive disease, if you can create a routine for them every now and then you’ll see them having these moments of ‘mental clarity’ when –just like a ghost- they come back to you and you can re-live all the special times you shared in the past.